You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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