some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize