Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
