i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
