I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she peed on how many people?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
