there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
