i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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