dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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