he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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