i don't like sucking hair
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
3 2 1 whiskey
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
