Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
