Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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