Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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