I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
