new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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