hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
