She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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