I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
