im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
