My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
