Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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