I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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