She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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