he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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