You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
