yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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