I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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