all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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