we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
