these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
