Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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