you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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