Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have aggressive nipples.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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