I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
