I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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