I look better un-naked...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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