on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
