I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
