So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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