I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
