Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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