..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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