After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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