belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
