Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
