Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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