dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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