note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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