he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
