some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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