I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
