1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My bed smells like the plague
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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