I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
