so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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