I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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