Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
