Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
