Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
