I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
