But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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