When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
