Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
