She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize