My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
