I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
