I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Who died my cat blue again?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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