My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
