Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize