Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
