I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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