After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
