you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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