He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
