so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I touched a dick in church today
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
